I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
