Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
