my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
