Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
