so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
