when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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