The maid of honor just puked.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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