i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
