: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize