I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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