your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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