I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i now understand why vodka
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
