its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
