You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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