I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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