Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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