the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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