You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
