then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
