So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
3pm strippers are depressing
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
