i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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