we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
