Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
