People in love make me want to vomit
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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