PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
