literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
