I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
