He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
