Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
