I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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