The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
