I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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