Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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