guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
