I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
