I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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