Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
