It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize