she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
