you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
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