Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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