So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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