im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
