Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
