Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
