I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
