nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
