So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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