Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
