woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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