When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
