That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
