I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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