I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
