this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
