my being single is dangerous.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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