i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
