wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
