Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
