Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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