oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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