shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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