i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
