Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
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Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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