My first STD was from a foam party
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
