so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize