operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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