Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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