two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How's work?
Spinning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
