I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
being pregnant is like rehab
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
