Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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