Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
