can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
