I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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