guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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