i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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